When we began “Jason’s” first EFT session, he wanted to work on his sadness, disappointment, frustration, and judgment about ongoing impotence issues, so we started by doing a bit of a sexual history and tapped on the feelings he identified.
His first marriage was passionate and yet unhappy. His second one, while compatible in other ways, was difficult because of his sexual dysfunction and eventually ended in divorce. Having recently started seeing someone, Jason was especially keen to work on this issue, as he feared that he would lose her if he couldn’t “get it up.”
Although initially there seemed (to me) to be a clear link between his visit to India just prior to his second marriage and his subsequent equation of spirituality with celibacy, our excursions down that road didn’t seem to get to the root of the issues.
Interestingly, what did was when we explored the fact that he was adopted and given up at 1 month of age. This brought up some feelings about the necessity to be a good boy or he would be given up again.
After tapping on that for a few more rounds, we went to an intriguing place.
Jason has a sense that he was the product of a rape, and, as it came out subsequently, a gang rape. So we tapped on this and went on to tap on power and powerlessness, on anger, on guilt that his father was a rapist and that Jason is the product of a rape.
His grief and shame was not for himself, but for his mother. Jason is obviously a kind and gentle man who has been suffering all his life, wanting to ensure that he never hurt anyone. The limiting belief that he was somehow responsible for his mother’s rape had kept him fearful of his own power, and sexuality, his whole life.
After reducing the intensity of his grief and anger about the circumstances of his conception, we went on to explore what self-empowerment might look like, what true male power might look like, and tapped in some choices to allow him to feel and claim his own power, both in the bedroom and in the world.
What this session illustrates so well is the importance of continuing to dig, to find the real roots to an issue. I thought I had it figured out when we started work on the spirituality/sexuality connection!
While this connection no doubt played a role in Jason’s impotence, it seems his belief that he was responsible for his mother’s pain was really at the core.
When we finished the session, Jason reported feeling a lot less afraid, much lighter, and like the floodgate had been lifted. He has a new understanding of the difference between self-empowerment, power over, and power with.
He connected with a strong desire to help educate other men on how to treat women with respect and excitement about his mission to help men release their own painful pasts so that they don’t perpetuate their own pain and limiting beliefs by abusing the women and children in their lives, or on the streets.