It is easy to get overwhelmed when your parent develops dementia. It is harder to deal with when your relationship with your mother and/or your father was rarely easy BEFORE they began to be effected by memory loss associated with aging.

Critical, demanding, emotionally shut down, or volatile parents are difficult enough when in their somewhat right mind. Add an increasing amount of forgetfulness and dependence and the situation can start to spiral out of control. Trying to protect one’s elderly parent from their own worst inclinations can be decidedly stressful.

Dealing with a parent with dementia can be exhausting

A lovely, kind and very empathetic woman returned to my practice for a few sessions. Her father was not only constantly repeating himself and asking the same questions, over and over and over…he was also being evicted, AGAIN. ‘Kelsie’ had helped her father move 10 times in the last 4 years! It is so easy to get overwhelmed when your parent develops dementia.

She described feeling stressed, exhausted, and constantly anxious after returning from a 5-day trip, with her father, to a derelict property owned by her father.

The realtor they had contacted was not returning her phone calls and one of the people she had approached, to remove the 40 years of junk accumulated on Dad’s property, had yelled at her. This was causing her a lot of consternation as she feared that she had taken on Dad’s vibration and that this was attracting people’s anger towards her.

So, we tapped together.

Tapping on the stress and guilt

We tapped on the anxiety, the panic, the stress and the guilt she was feeling, at not wanting to have to deal with Dad and his outbursts any more. We tapped on her feeling like she was barely keeping it together. I reminded her of ALL that she had done for Dad up to this point, and that the anger that she felt was directed at her, might actually have had little or nothing to do with anything she had said or done.

We compiled a list of all that she had accomplished for Dad, (including – despite his objections – arranging for an appointment at a local assisted living facility for later that day. Dad was not at all keen on the idea but had agreed to go to see it as he knew he had to move somewhere. The manager of the apartment building he was living in keen to see him gone. It is not only his daughter who finds him difficult!)

As we tapped and talked, Kelsie began to feel more empowered and calmer. We discussed how hard it is to be an empath. She had been feeling enmeshed in her Dad’s life and his angry energy. I reminded her that she was NOT turning into her father as she had feared.

You need to take care of yourself

She began to question her role with Dad as I encouraged her to take steps to care more for herself – to tap, to do the breathing – nervous system regulating – exercises I had taught her more frequently. To get several massages, (paid for by Dad!), and to arrange for physical assistance to help move Dad one last time.

Actually available help vs unresponsive contractors 

I suggested that there were likely other realtors available to deal with Dad’s property, and other dump truck operators available to haul away Dad’s junk. She was not stuck with the ones who were not returning her calls, or who yelled at her. I also reminded her that if Dad was not willing to move to the facility that would provide him with meals, laundry, cleaning and supervision, that there were options to help get him accessed and placed elsewhere, (with or without his active agreement). I jogged her memory of all the support she had already set up for herself, with me, and with another person who specializes in helping caregivers navigate the ‘system’…

I suggested that she was on the home stretch, that many of the to do list items we had discussed in previous sessions, had been accomplished. She had arranged to get a Power of Attorney, she was now legally responsible for making medical decisions for her Dad. She was on his bank account and had easily put an alert on his spending, so should he decide to make a big, possibly irrational, purchase she would be informed. Dad had an appointment with a local notary to update his will…

And we tapped …

Kelsie visibly relaxed as we continued to tap and she connected with her own kind, compassionate, yet empowered energy. She acknowledged that it was time to stop beating herself up for the anger and actions of her father and others and decided that her role with Dad was to be a ‘kind witness’, not codependent!

At the end of the session, I requested that she let me know how the appointment at the care home went.

Later that day, I received the following email:

Phew! Despite texting me before our tour saying he was CERTAIN (the care home), would not be the right place for him based on what he saw on their website, he ended up liking it and asked me to secure one of the suites we toured.

He can start moving in (soon).

I can’t tell you how relieved I am.

Thank you again for this morning.

Big hugs.

Recovering co-dependents/people pleasers

I have spent FAR too much of my own life interacting with angry, resentful, blaming, irresponsible, addicted, frustrating people. As a recovering co-dependent, I get how difficult it can be.

If you would like assistance to deal with those difficult friends or relatives in your life, perhaps I can help? Together we can identify and release what gets in your way of putting yourself and your emotional and physical health first.

Please consider reaching out to arrange for an introductory EFT Tapping session. You don’t have to deal with all of this by yourself. I can relate to the frustrations of having relatives with mental health issues and have learned some helpful techniques I love to share that helped me as well as my clients.

Or find out more about EFT Tapping here.

A Boundary Setting EFT Course is coming soon that will give you some strategies to deal with difficult people. Let me know if you would like to be on the waiting list?

                                  alice@tapping detective.com