We all do it. We all repeat to ourselves the same messages we heard at an early age from our parents, caregivers and peers. Sometime those echoes are helpful and supportive, “you can do anything you want to do”; but all too often they morph into internal voices that get in our way, “who do you think you are to believe that you can be rich, or successful, or happy or…..?”
As children, we resemble sponges, taking in everything we are told and trusting it is true. We have little capacity for discernment and tend to believe all that those who we depend on say to us. And so we grow up believing that we are not good enough, or not pretty enough, or not smart enough, or just not enough. As our parents did before us we incorporated those early directives so fully that we continue to tell them to ourselves, over and over, even long after the people who originally said them to us are dead and buried.
These self sabotaging judgments are at the core of what constrains us. By internalizing these notions that there is something wrong with us, we feel that we deserve to stay in abusive, unsupportive relationships, are somehow inferior, or less deserving, or capable than others. Unless we release these effect of these painful memories, we tend to pass these recollections on to our own children who end up believing that there is something fundamentally wrong with themselves too, and behave accordingly.
We live in a confused culture, full of mixed messages. If you dress a certain way, you are a slut. Yet only if you dress that certain way, will you be popular with the other girls and be liked by the boy of your dreams. Boys are taught by parents and peers, that you must at all cost be strong, and are ridiculed if you feel and show emotions other than anger or pride. (Big boys don’t cry!) A boy who has been labelled lazy or dumb may decide not to do much, as if to say, “If you are going to call me that then I might as well show you what lazy or stupid really looks like!” These messages do a disservice to us all. They shut us down and keep us from figuring out who we really are, what we really like and who we want to become.
Yet there is good news! The effects of both ancient and recent painful experiences can be released with the use of an easily learned self help skill: Emotional Freedom Technique also known as Meridian Tapping. Using EFT, we can remove the power that these internalized beliefs have had on us and replace them with empowering thoughts that serve us. But first we need to identify what our self denigrating beliefs are and where they came from, which is where working with an experienced EFT coach can come in handy.
A woman who was afraid of elevators and crowds, was surprised to find that her claustrophobia stemmed from the stories she was told as a child, of her Armenian grandmother who had been buried alive. Unconsciously she feared, that as an Armenian, the same fate might happen to her. Once the root of her fears was uncovered, she was able to examine her limiting behaviours, and with the use of EFT meridian tapping, release the effect that these persistent fears had held on her.
Sometimes we are aware of where our hindering assumptions came from and sometimes we don’t have a clue, at least not consciously. However there is reason for hope. Buried underneath the surface of our consciousness lie the memories of those times when we were told something that wasn’t particularly affirming or helpful. With EFT, it is possible to not only identify what your own limiting beliefs are and where they come from, but to also learn how to release them and choose more empowering beliefs for your future.
Alice Grange helps clients identify, release and replace limiting beliefs via Skype, Google Hangouts, phone and in person. For information about EFT, private coaching and group tapping circles go to www.eftdetective.com, or email firstname.lastname@example.org or call 250-702-7570