I only came to understand the power of these words when I put them into practice. One of the most self healing things I ever did was to visit my estranged mother’s hospital bedside when she was in the process of dying. I did this partly to acknowledge my own role in our painful dynamic but, more importantly, I did it to forgive both my mother and myself. The sense of relief remains profound to this day, more than a decade later.  Forgiving us both allowed me to release anger, judgement and frustration.  What remains are understanding, compassion and relief, again, for us both.

Here are 10 good reasons to consider bringing forgiveness in your own life.

1. Most importantly forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It frees you from painful past experiences, and past relationships. It allows you to live in present time, in the NOW. There is a tremendous sense of freedom that comes with forgiveness and the release of debilitating judgements about others and about yourself. When you forgive yourself for enduring painful experiences and not having loved yourself enough to move away from those situations, you become free to move forward, unencumbered by the resentments or shame of the past.

2. Forgiveness gives us present day permission to create our futures, based on what we want, not on what has gone before. Forgiveness implies accepting what is, or was, and becoming willing to re-consider the meaning of what has happened.  You heard, saw and felt (maybe physically and emotionally) what happened and you cannot change those experiences. What you can do is to stop believing that those experiences have somehow left you permanently broken, damaged and wounded. With forgiveness come a shift in your perception about yourself and others.

3. Forgiveness releases energy that is stuck in the past. If we repeatedly focus our thoughts and feelings on painful incidents from our pasts, it takes a huge toll on us. Not only our emotional well being but our physical health as well. Letting go of this energy, often results in the reduction of physical ailments such as chronic back pain.

 4. Forgiving frees us up to experience new relationships with fresh vision. By not forgiving we are more inclined to sub-consciously treat present and potential partners, employers and friends as if they are out to hurt us. This is because we fear that they too will hurt you in the same way that others hurt you in the past. This doesn’t give us a chance to co-create healthier relationships.

5. Forgiving ourselves and others for past indiscretions relieves us of the debilitating effects of chronic anger, frustration and embarrassment. We ALL make mistakes. Holding onto these past mistakes ensures that we repeat them.  Forgiving and letting go of our strong charge about the actions or words of others, permits us to feel more peace, relief and resolution.

6. Forgiveness means giving yourself a break. It does not mean you will or you must change your behaviour or accept another’s. Forgiveness can result in the ending of a long time battle with yourself and living with greater compassion, self respect and self esteem. If someone has robbed you, forgiveness does not mean that you give them the keys to the safe! If someone has criticized or betrayed you, there is no need to continue to confide in them or even to ever be in their company again.

7. Forgiveness helps all of us find the freedom to move on unencumbered, able to create more loving and joyful relationships. Forgiveness can be a private affair and it is NEVER too late. All that is required is a shift in perception. You can forgive others without them ever knowing it.  It is possible to forgive someone even if they have died, or are unwilling to talk to you, or you are unwilling to talk to them, for fear that putting yourself in their presence will put you in harm’s way.

8. Forgiveness does not mean pretending that all is well, when it is clearly not.  In order to forgive it is not at all necessary to condone the negative, inappropriate behaviour of others, or yourself. You don’t have to accept or support anything that has caused you pain. You can protect your rights, testify at a trial, AND still forgive the perpetrator. You can move out, divorce your spouse, no longer subject yourself to abuse, AND still give yourself a break by forgiving them. You can forgive your relatives, or your friend, for being critical AND choose not to confide in them.

9. By forgiving, we give ourselves permission to move on. Resentment come from the French word Ressentir: to feel strongly and to feel again, (and again and again…).  By holding onto resentments we continue to hurt ourselves, again, and again, and again.

10. Forgiveness is empowering.  By forgiving the actions of the past, we stop blaming ourselves and others for our current unhappiness. Eliminate the blame, eliminate the unhappiness.  When we understand and accept that we are responsible for how we feel and act, we empower ourselves. If we indulge in recurring resentments, never attempting to understand another’s perspective, or refuse to see the larger picture, we avoid acknowledging the potential power we have to change our own relationship to the situation. As long as we see the problem as exclusively outside ourselves, as long as we refuse to accept any part of our complicity in a difficult dynamic, we render ourselves helpless. By taking personal responsibility for our own mistakes, we release the hold that shame and regret have had on us.

For assistance in learning HOW to FORGIVE contact alice@tappingdetective.com, check out www.tappingdetective.com, or call 250-702-7570

The post Why Forgiveness? appeared first on Alice Grange EFT Matrix Reimprinting Coach.

These questions are vitally important to understand. For years I struggled with the concepts of the law of attraction. Having read Louise Hay, Shakti Gawain and Abraham-Hicks, I tried to use affirmations but, frustratingly, they never seemed to work for me. I now understand that this is because every time I thought about, for example, the new relationship I wanted to attract into my life, my subconscious voices chimed in and reminded me of the series of difficult and co-dependent relationships I had experienced up to this point. I was not an energetic match for that which I desired.  Energetically I was focused on what had been, or what was at that particular moment in time, and how awful it had all too often been and how hard to get out of it and how much of a failure I felt, and how unworthy I secretly suspected I was…..If I wasn’t going there I was remembering the good ones that got away! In my mind and heart, I felt rejected.

Those little voices in my head kept reminding me of the realities of what is or what had been, and so kept getting in my way of attracting what I would like. Big time.  Having done a lot of EFT, by myself and with others, on many of the aspects and memories of my previous relationships and on my feelings about those relationships, I am delighted to report that I have shared our fourth anniversary and am in the best relationship of my life with a man who is willing to do his own work, who is kind, and generous and fun and funny and who loves to dance. (For years I had been wanting a partner who dances but I kept feeling frustrated and angry and discouraged because of  a previous partner who hated to dance and who hated the attention I got when I danced!)

Use EFT To Think Positively

If, like me, you find yourself wanting something you don’t currently have, then I suggest that your subconscious mind, or your “Dark Shadow or Dark Side” as some would call it, is likely doing as mine did and coming up with all sorts of reasons why you don’t deserve this, or why it feels impossible, and so you will continue to attract that which you don’t want. If however, you use EFT to release the energetic hold that these limiting beliefs and painful emotions and difficult memories have on you by tapping on them, you will then be able to resonate with that which you desire. And this is what tapping does, and does so well. After you have released these energetic blockages, this unconscious self sabotaging, THEN, you can engage the Choices method of tapping, and tap in what it is you DO WANT into your life. Until you release the negative charge that the problematic circumstances of your previous life have caused in your emotional mind body you will have an uphill battle trying to manifest good into your life. The good news is that positive change is possible!

The post Think Positively – Why tap on the negative? What About LOA? appeared first on Alice Grange EFT Matrix Reimprinting Coach.

I have had the privilege of working with several men who have suffered from erectile dysfunction. The first was was relatively easy and uncomplicated as it involved someone who was in a new relationship, after being celibate for several years,  and concerned that he might pass on the herpes virus which his last partner had passed onto him. After a few EFT sessions, concentrating on his not wanting to infect his new partner, not only did his erectile issues resolve,(and they remain resolved several years after that series of sessions),  but he called me months later to report that subsequent tests for the herpes virus showed up as negative!

Another client had been operated on for prostate cancer about a year and a half before our first session, and was unable to be sexual without the help of an injection. He had plenty of self judgments and limiting beliefs about this!  We ended up doing some work not only on those judgments but also on his feelings about having cancer and fear that it might return, fear of death and fear that he might never get his “potency” back. When we met again, a few days later, he and his fiance both had big smiles on their faces and indicated that they had just had the best sex they had had since prior to his operation!

EFT Sessions Help To Cure Impotence and Herpes!

With another man the route into his issue was not as simple or predictable as I first assumed! When we began “Jason’s” first EFT session he wanted to work on his sadness, disappointment, frustration and judgement about ongoing impotence issues so we started by doing a bit of a sexual history and tapped on the feelings he identified. His first marriage was passionate and yet unhappy. His second one, while compatible in other ways, was difficult because of his sexual dysfunction and eventually ended in divorce.

Using EFT Tapping Recipes To Cure Impotence

Jason had recently started seeing someone so he was especially keen to work on this issue as he feared that he would lose her if he can’t “get it up”. While there initially seemed to be a clear link, (to me), between his visit to India just prior to his second marriage and his subsequent equation of spirituality with celibacy, our excursions down that road didn’t seem to get to the root of the issues. Interestingly what did, was when we explored the fact that he was adopted and given up at one month of age. This brought up some feelings about the necessity to be a good boy or he would be given up again.

After tapping on that for a more few rounds we went to an intriguing place. Jason has a sense that he was the product of a rape, and as it came out subsequently, a gang rape. So we tapped on this and went on to tap on power and powerlessness, on anger, on guilt that his father was a rapist and that Jason is the product of a rape. His grief and shame was not for only for himself but also for his mother. Jason is obviously a kind and gentle man who has been suffering all his life, wanting to ensure that he never hurt anyone.  This limiting belief, that he was somehow responsible for his mother’s rape had kept him fearful of his own power, (and sexuality), his whole life.

After reducing the intensity of his grief and anger about the circumstances of his conception we went on to explore what self empowerment might look like, what true male power might look like, and tapped in some choices to allow him to feel and claim his own power, both in the bedroom and in the world.

What this session illustrates so well it the importance to keep on digging, searching to find the real roots to an issue. I thought I had it figured out when we started work on the spirituality/ sexuality connection! While this connection no doubt played a role in Jason’s impotence, it seems his belief that he was responsible for his mother’s pain was really at the core.

When we finished the session he reported feeling a lot less afraid, much lighter and like the floodgate had been lifted. He has a new understanding of the difference between self empowerment, power over and power with. He connected with a strong desire to help educate other men on how to treat women with respect, and excitement about his mission to help men release their own painful pasts so that they don’t perpetuate their own pain and limiting beliefs by abusing the women and children in their lives, or on the streets.

The post Cure Impotence and Herpes! appeared first on Alice Grange EFT Matrix Reimprinting Coach.

Sometimes we struggle to understand each other, partially because of my being less than fluent in Spanish, and his English, while way better than my Spanish, is not always accurate; and partly because the audio and video can be of poor quality.

Because we sometimes have difficulties with comprehension, I started to use a technique with him that I learned years ago while involved with a peer counselling community. This method seems to work really well when a person is counselling in a language that is not their first.­­­  (By the way, having some personal experience learning a new language yourself is also invaluable experience when coaching someone in a language that they are not fully fluent in. In my case I have some education and some travelling experience in French and Spanish speaking locales in Canada, Europe and Latin America.)

When I hear Fernando really struggling over the pronunciation of a word; “anxiety” and feelings of “vulnerability” were two particularly difficult words for him to say in English, I ask him to say them in Spanish which gets things moving rapidly forward. He immediately starts to visibly relax and soon starts smiling. I sense that his saying words portraying emotions, in particular, in Spanish,  or in his Mayan dialect, is very helpful in assisting him to easier gain access to and clear memories from his difficult childhood. (His family was very poor, and he had polio and numerous painful surgeries as a child). It also removes the struggle to say the words perfectly from the equation, allowing him to relax and get the full benefits of EFT without worrying about his English skills.

It is so wonderful to get his feedback as to how much he feels he is growing  and learning.  He describes feeling relaxed  and clear, instead of struggling and feeling fearful, and is very appreciative and enthusiastic about how much EFT, and the Law of Attraction, are  helping him with his life. His outlook is much more positive than it has ever been. He has stopped drinking alcohol and has gone from living on the streets to  having a room to call his own,  and he is now fully employed in a bank. Our mutual intention is that he will someday become a teacher and practitioner of EFT and help to spread EFT around Guatemala! Now all I have to do is improve my Spanish so that I can assist him with that vision! In the meantime if there is anyone who would like to contribute to a fund to help buy him a three wheel motor bike so that he can get to and from work, please contact me at alice@tappingdetective.com. Many thanks.

The post Working with Spanish Speakers appeared first on Alice Grange EFT Matrix Reimprinting Coach.

It’s true. EFT is a fabulous self help tool for simple issues. Please don’t blame EFT if you do not get noticeable results when working by yourself. We all have an ever-vigilant inner subconscious protector, which is firmly convinced that the issue we’re trying to shift is actually serving us in some way. That clever protector can be quite ingenious in distracting us from getting close enough to shift the issue! It makes us too tired or too distracted to tap, or unable to come up with tapping phrases that are specific enough.  I know I am on the right track when I am overcome with an urge to vacuum!  That’s when I contact one of the EFT coaches I regularly trade with who gently guides that inner protector part of me, persistently encouraging me to get out of my own way! Then I get the results and relief I crave and you can too.

EFT Coaching Can Help You Transform Your Life

There is a good chance that an experienced EFT coach can help you too. Some coaches work better with some people and with some issues. If, for any reason, working with me does not appeal to you, I would be happy to help you find another coach who may resonate better with you or who may have more experience with your particular issue or background.

How EFT Coaching can Help

You might know some or all of the tapping points, but EFT is much more than tapping points. While EFT is fundamentally simple, and it’s fundamentals can be taught in a short period of time, I have been studying EFT and using it on myself and with friends and clients for over 9 years and I continue to learn about new tools and techniques to add to my tool kit.

One of the main reasons for using an experienced  EFT coach is that we are usually able to ask just the right questions, leading you away from the surface problems you may be experiencing and on to the core emotional issues. Knowing what questions to ask and when, comes from a well rounded combination of training, experience and intuition.

Often my clients are unsure of what exactly to tap on at home. I can provide you with tapping scripts formulated especially for you.

As coaches we often know of other tapping points and techniques to help you move beyond your stuck places.I have studied with many EFT teachers and am trained in many other modalities.

Some people have had multiple traumas and as a consequence can feel overwhelming emotions. An experienced EFT coach knows both how to approach your issues gently, and how to gently bring a session to an end. Some things are best left for another day so as to allow the work we have done to be fully integrated! In my earlier days of practice I made the mistake of doing too much too soon. While people left my office feeling fabulous sometimes they found that it was just too much of a change, too much of a good thing and they had trouble integrating it. I wanted to give them a really powerful session, but it was overwhelming for a few. Please don’t make the same mistake.

EFT Coaching Offers A Different Perspective

A coach can usually help you to see issues from a different perspective than the one you have been used to.

As a coach I hold out the vision for you of how beautiful, resilient, talented and powerful you are, even when you can’t yet see or feel it! We are often our worst critic. I love to help people find the good in themselves, to connect with their own sense of self worth and to discover their talents and gifts.

By working, and tapping together we combine our healing energies to focus on helping you heal!

The post Why EFT Coaching? appeared first on Alice Grange EFT Matrix Reimprinting Coach.

As children, we resemble sponges, taking in everything we are told and trusting it is true. We have little capacity for discernment and tend to believe all that those who we depend on say to us. And so we grow up believing that we are not good enough, or not pretty enough, or not smart enough, or just not enough.  As our parents did before us we incorporated those early directives so fully that we continue to tell them to ourselves, over and over, even long after the people who originally said them to us are dead and buried.

These self sabotaging judgments are at the core of what constrains us. By internalizing these notions that there is something wrong with us, we feel that we deserve to stay in abusive, unsupportive relationships, are somehow inferior, or less deserving, or capable than others.  Unless we release these effect of these painful memories, we tend to pass these recollections on to our own children who end up believing that there is something fundamentally wrong with themselves too, and behave accordingly.

We live in a confused culture, full of mixed messages. If you dress a certain way, you are a slut. Yet only if you dress that certain way, will you be popular with the other girls and be liked by the boy of your dreams.  Boys are taught by parents and peers, that you must at all cost be strong, and are ridiculed if you feel and show emotions other than anger or pride.  (Big boys don’t cry!)  A boy who has been labelled lazy or dumb may decide not to do much, as if to say, “If you are going to call me that then I might as well show you what lazy or stupid really looks like!” These messages do a disservice to us all. They shut us down and keep us from figuring out who we really are, what we really like and who we want to become.

Yet there is good news! The effects of both ancient and recent painful experiences can be released with the use of an easily learned self help skill: Emotional Freedom Technique also known as Meridian Tapping. Using EFT, we can remove the power that these internalized beliefs have had on us and replace them with empowering thoughts that serve us. But first we need to identify what our self denigrating beliefs are and where they came from, which is where working with an experienced EFT coach can come in handy.

A woman who was afraid of elevators and crowds, was surprised to find that her claustrophobia stemmed from the stories she was told as a child, of her Armenian grandmother who had been buried alive.  Unconsciously she feared, that as an Armenian, the same fate might happen to her. Once the root of her fears was uncovered, she was able to examine her limiting behaviours, and with the use of EFT meridian tapping, release the effect that these persistent fears had held on her.

Sometimes we are aware of where our hindering assumptions came from and sometimes we don’t have a clue, at least not consciously.  However there is reason for hope.  Buried underneath the surface of our consciousness lie the memories of those times when we were told something that wasn’t particularly affirming or helpful. With EFT, it is possible to not only identify what your own limiting beliefs are and where they come from, but to also learn how to release them and choose more empowering beliefs for your future.

Alice Grange helps clients identify, release and replace limiting beliefs via Skype, Google Hangouts, phone and in person. For information about EFT, private coaching and group tapping circles go to  www.eftdetective.com, or email alicegrange@gmail.com or call 250-702-7570

The post Releasing the limiting beliefs and emotional ties that bind us. appeared first on Alice Grange EFT Matrix Reimprinting Coach.